Another segment that you thought had died out, I was getting there you know, just beating myself up I had left it for 2 months. haha.
This is how I want to start the beginning of a new month. August. . . god how is it so. Last month I only wrote 4 posts so this is part where I should beat myself up because you didn’t mean that self goal of posting more. Once I’ve given my mental state a good beating, demotivation sets in motion to even post a damn thing, eventually writers block takes over and it’s numb. Am I nearly right in describing how we get ourselves to this point?
I’m currently watching the archery series by the amazing Kyoto Animation, Tsurune. Currently going through a random phase with my anime watching which has felt amazing. I missed that feeling of boys emotions making one fall into a puddle of tears, always I had a feeling this series had the essence. Boy it hit hard within first episode. Minato one of main characters currently is working his way through an archers phase “Target Panic”, he has lost once said passion and bow Tsurune sound that made him pursue in the first place. “I hit a wall”, “I can’t get over this writers block”, These phases are inexplainable for every person of why it suddenly happens sometimes but there are triggers that do set it off, with you fully conscious of.
Minato was fully aware, the surrounding invisible pressure to bring the winning streak for the time and his mind froze up. After that it all goes downhill for me, being consciously aware of not meeting a particular goal, others are counting you, someone’s blog is better than you. These are the worse forms of triggers and more for self sabotage. Someone telling you “you’ll get over it”, “just a phase” are again worse kinds of things you can say to someone, even if it for good intentions. It’s a self avenue for people to break themselves out of, but if there is a short timeline for whatever reason they have to wake up. Crushing all the more. it’s true in the saying “We’re our worst own enemy” to describe this whole post but it’s a natural part in creative process of hobbies like blogging. This applies to everything else of course but w’ere staying in the blogging realm here.
Minato’s target panic was a crisp clean example of the mental bashing we do to ourselves. You’re not or myself isn’t doing any favours here. I’ve beat myself up more times than I can count, the latest was not putting out 5 posts for July. It was a mini moment of mental bashing but broke free pretty fast? What, fast HOW? Not like I suddenly woke up one day and said I’m going to be kinder to myself. Everyone has their own timeline period of getting through their “bash up phase”. Each time I believe has made my mental strength stronger. So, go through the ugly to find clarity at the end is what you’re saying?
It is why I look at the 4 posts for July and go: oh well it is what it is. Self sabotage I’ve found a key factor in why people drop this hobby fast. The triggers are endless but this one is an easy killer. Running this blog for six years so far has to show for something that self sabotage trigger hasn’t beaten me and don’t think ever will. God I mean you can only do what you can do as an individual, just exhausting, taxing what people do to themselves towards something that brings them happiness. When you become stronger than self sabotage, everything feels easier. I feel approaching my keyboard then ever board.
I totally had another post planned but inspiration struck at random once again. Guess this gave me an excuse to release some truth from deep within. Do you feel you have beaten the self sabotage stage of blogging? even a little in all your time running a blog?
Till next post!